Many of you will know that I’m profoundly deaf, having gradually lost my hearing since I was in my late twenties. No-one has been able to tell me why; I suspect some of it has to do with the very loud rock concerts I enjoyed at uni. No-one in those days warned that noise might damage your hearing… I’ve worn hearing aids since I was about thirty and I’ve been lucky that, as my hearing has worsened, technology has improved. Emails, the internet, texts, TV subtitles - all a real blessing. I rely very much on the imperfect art of lip reading when in conversation with people. Very occasionally I feel upset about the difficulties, especially when it means I can’t easily converse with my grandgirls. But mostly I just get on with life as best I can and remember to laugh at the absurdities I sometimes find myself in as a result of mishearing. My family and friends are all very thoughtful and forgiving. There are certain activities I can’t easily participate in, but many that I can. Photography is a great hobby for a deaf introvert.
Just lately, however, I’ve noticed I’m struggling more. I’ve recently been fitted with new hearing aids, having last had them updated about ten years ago. I’m deeply grateful for our NHS provision, and for the new technology they keep adopting, so that even hearing aids now come with all sorts of fancy things like phone apps. Unfortunately I’m not doing terribly well with the new aids. They do pick up a greater range of sound but my brain seems to be having trouble adjusting and making sense of the soundscape. Sometimes it just feels irritating. If the TV is on or I’m in a busy place, I often feel like I’m surrounded by cawing rooks rasping away!
My audiologist is really helpful and has tweaked things several times, so it’s a bit better now, but at my last appointment she gave me a test. She played random words for me to identify (with my hearing aids), just audio, not lip reading. If you get less than 50% correct, you’re at the threshold to be considered for a cochlear implant. I scored 17%! So that was a bit of a nasty shock. Basically my hearing is f**ked! Anyway, she has referred me for implant assessment. So now I need to be brave and face this. It feels like a big deal. I don’t honestly know that much about cochlear implants. I was once assessed before, years ago, when the technology was very new. At that point they advised that with hearing aids and lip reading I was functioning at least as well as I would with an implant, so the risk was not deemed worth taking. Things have, however, moved on a lot since then. But I'm really worried that if I had implants and struggled with them, there is no going back.
So, I’m going to have to do a bit of research and see if I can calm my fears. The other side of the see-saw, of course, is the documented increased risk of dementia with untreated hearing loss. I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place. I don’t usually write about such personal things on my blog but it feels important as part of being honest and facing the challenges of getting older. We all have our own! I also think there are many worse things that could be wrong (and so far aren't) in an over 70 body, so let's look on the bright side.
And today it's Spring!! 🌷🌷🌱🌱 At least meteorologically, even if we've to wait until the 20th for the vernal equinox.
(Picture not mine, unashamedly poached from the internet! 👀)
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